Feelings of Fraud

My transfusion schedule cuts across many of the other patients’ chemo schedules.  We get to talking, and a bit of a theme has emerged.

One of my friends has inoperable liver cancer, but most of the time she looks great, she’s still driving herself to chemo and oncologist appointments.  She lives with  the feeling that eventually some-one will jump up and yell to the world, “hey everyone, she’s’ a fraud”.

Often, when friends visit, they exclaim “wow, you look good”.  Every time someone says this, I feel like I should be out there getting a job.  I have managed to do some small and not so small, woodwork projects.  The logic goes like this, if I’m well enough to do woodwork, I can’t be so sick.  If you can make a big honking table, you can’t be terminally ill.  Eventually I worked out that this exclamation is relative to the speaker.  And usually translates to “wow, you look better than I prepared myself to see.”

Two short notes; I have to sleep or at least rest for two hours for each hour in the workshop.

Note two, without minimising the significance of the issue for my female IT colleagues, this bears a striking resemblance to Impostor Syndrome.